Right now, there’s a hole inside of me, in my heart. I feel as though a part of me is gone. A good friend of mine who I ran many miles with passed away suddenly on Wednesday. Getting the news has me in a state of shock. It’s hard to understand how such a happy person who loved her family and friends could be gone, just like that.
I suppose trying to understand or rationalize the why’s isn’t going to help, but it’s difficult not to do that. You start to question if you missed a sign somewhere along the way that she was calling out for help. There are so many more questions than answers. Unfortunately, I may never know the why or any answers in the end.
Having never dealt with a close friend’s passing in this way, it’s a pretty intense feeling. Mixed feelings. I’ve gone through shock, upset, and even a bit of annoyance in just the last 24 hours. Not to mention that thoughts of previous loved ones who passed away always come flooding back during these tragedies.
Speaking with another friend from my running group last night, I came to feel a bit better about things. I know that the process of accepting and going through this will be a roller-coaster, but I thank God that I have some amazing people in my life who are there when I need them. Prayer and loved ones will get me through this. And, I continue to pray for her family during this sad experience. Life is not always fair, but I have to believe that somehow, something good will come out of this tragedy eventually.