I’ve been struggling.
For some reason, this year has been more difficult for me in the weight loss maintenance zone. I have been doing well over the last approximately five years since my weight loss of 80lbs in keeping it off. Sure, I did have a brief 5lbs to deal with last year before I began marathon training, but this has felt different.
I’m up 8lbs right now from where I was when I ran the 2015 NYC Marathon and it upsets me. I want to put it out there because I need your support and motivation while I get back on track. I’ve typically been pretty good on my own with my weight loss maintenance, but this time I need help.
My eating is the main issue. I’ve been emotionally eating more than a few times. Sure, it’s about 200-300 calories more a day each time, but that eventually adds up. I need to– I want to get back to the old me. The old me meaning the me that was confident and felt good about my level of health and fitness.
I never ever want to be the person I was before my weight loss and before I became a runner. It’s because of that and knowing that I’m having struggles that I need to put it out there. I suppose it’s an accountability sort of thing. Just like when I post my workouts, I feel as though I need to be accountable for my weight.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not about being skinny, because it’s not. It’s about being the healthier me that I know I can be. I’ve long ago realized that I’m never going to be (nor do I want to be) a teeny tiny skinny girl that has a flat stomach. I was born with a bit of a tummy and it is going to be a part of me forever. And, that’s okay. It took me some time to get to that mindset, but I love the me that was 125lbs. Yes, I am putting my goal weight, the weight that I was this time last year out there.
That is the weight that I have learned my body is happiest and healthiest at. I have been as low as 119lbs, but it didn’t really stick once I got more active. That 125lbs point is my comfortable weight point. It feels good for me and when I’m maintaining it with my good eating and regular workouts, it’s great.
So, there it is, something that has been on my mind the last couple of weeks. It’s during that time that I’ve felt discouraged and a bit lost. It’s time to get over those feelings and start believing in myself again. It won’t be an easy road, but it’s through challenges that we become stronger.
I’m going to believe in me starting now.