First of all, apologizes for my lack of blogging the last week. I’ve been in “vacation mode” and thus out of my usual element. It’s been nice to just relax for the most part (well, after my half marathon last Saturday, blog recap coming by the weekend), and enjoy myself. I have let loose, allowed myself to soak up my surroundings and not worry about workouts or calorie-counting. Part of me is nervous to see what this may do when it comes to the scale, but the other part of me finds it kind of nice to not worry about the numbers for a bit.
I’ve become such a calorie-counter since losing all my weight, making sure I keep track of everything I put in my mouth. This has been a good thing in that I feel more in control of myself. Having been overweight and unhealthy for most of my life, this way of living makes me feel more secure about not spiraling out of control when it comes to portion control and the like. On the other hand, I know that it can be a little OCD at times in the eyes of others around me when I tell them I’ll pass on this treat or that.
I suppose it’s that fear of returning to what I used to be. No, that number on the scale or what my pant size is doesn’t dictate how great or beautiful of a person I am, but I know deep down inside that I need some sort of control method. With counting my calories and allowing myself one cheat day a week (mostly a meal and a couple of snacks), I basically feel content with knowing I am staying on top of things. I know that I can say, have this many pretzels for a snack, or that Luna bar after dinner.
That’s not to say that not counting my calories or food intake wouldn’t work for me, it’s just what has been the norm in my life for over five years now and it’s a comfort in my everyday life. I’m not necessarily against trying another way, but sometimes it’s just easiest to stick with what has been working.
I titled this post “letting loose” because like I previously stated, this vacation has been just that for me. I haven’t once logged my food into MyFitnessPal or done any sort of fitness (less for walking around town and such) since the race. It’s definitely a change of pace, and while it’s been nice, I am looking forward to getting back into the “normal” swing of things tomorrow. It’s time to get back on the train that I’m comfortable riding on a regular basis.