I’ve started to go through an “I hate myself” phase. I see my stomach slightly extended and the scale being a real nasty, mean object that I just want to throw out the window onto I-4 (yes, I live that close to it). I see where I was 6 months or a year ago and think, “what in the heck happened?” I am feeling out of sorts, uncomfortable in my own skin and body. I’m feeling like that former fat girl.
That thinking has to stop. I decided this afternoon that while I may be unhappy with things right now, that I need to get over myself. It’s a negative line of thinking that is not going to do anything for me but make me feel even more sorry for myself and want to curl up in a ball under the covers. And that doesn’t solve anything.
Yes, I have been working hard to get fit/stay fit and drop a few more pounds (marathon weight anyone?), but sometimes life deals us cards that we just cannot control. For me, it’s my thyroid and those lovely things called hormones. I’ve been off of my T3 compound now for just over a month and I have gone through some horrible exhaustive periods since and just not feeling well. I went to my current doctor earlier this week hoping she could get me back on the med, but it’s been like pulling teeth. Here it is Friday almost dinner time and I have yet to have a new prescription called in. Calling them gave me the response of, “oh, well we are just going to have to wait until Monday…” Frustration and upset came after hanging up the phone. So, I did what any big girl does and I cried. I cried it out for a few minutes. Then, I wiped my tears away (and my nose because dang does that seem to go hand-in-hand) and decided to get over it.
Now, I need to realize that yes, this is a unfortunate set-back and yes, I feel like crud. But, it’s not the end of the world. Things can be much worse (yeah, I try to tell myself that regularly because you know it’s true), someone out there is dealing with something much worse and more upsetting than I am. I need to find my inner strength (because surely there’s some left in the tank SOMEWHERE), and especially strength in God. He will help me get through this ugly patch and come out in the end smelling the flowers. Okay, so maybe it’s not exactly so fairy-tale like as that, but you know what I mean.