Fibromyaglia sucks. It’s become a daily battle with my body to make it through the day. This is especially the case when it comes to workdays. I find myself having to do a lot of praying to make it until 5pm when I can clock out. Some days, it takes just about every ounce of strength I can muster to stay awake and not want to burst out crying at how much pain and exhaustion I feel.
I am constantly reminding myself that I can and will get through it. It’s become a one-day-at-a-time situation. Prayer and remembering how much I’ve already been through, how much I’ve made it through that helps me. I have run 6 marathons, and over 30 half marathons, those accomplishments alone are amazing. Closing my eyes and remembering how I would push through hard training runs, or races to make it to that finish line, that’s strength. If I can run 26.2 miles in a day, I can struggle through this stupid fibro crud.
What I will say is that I think what’s as hard, or maybe harder for me is not being able to do all the things I have been doing. I go out and do a long training run for example, or do a lot of house-cleaning, and then the next day I feel so useless. Depending upon the level of exertion, I may feel like I was hit by a truck, or have the flu. I’m so used to being able to wake up each day and get in my usual level of workouts and whatever needs to be done. I’m learning that I can’t always do that. This chronic disease steals that from you.
Not to mention that I feel like I’m disappointing people if I don’t, or can’t follow through with a commitment. This is also true when it comes to not being able to make it through a full day at work. I feel awful that it has become so hard to do that for me at times. I’m so thankful that my supervisor seems to understand that I’m honestly having a tough time, that means so much to me. It’s the last thing I want to do is to not do my part, to finish my share of the workload.
As a new “Fibro Warrior,” all I can hope is that my friends, family, and those around me understand that I’m fighting each and every day. Some days will be easier than others. I’m also still learning my limitations and when I need to see/feel the signs of a potential flare up coming on. I’m doing my best to maintain my ‘silly side,’ and I know that is such a bit part of who I am. It has helped me get through my worst bouts of depression over the years, so I’m hoping it can do the same for this chronic disease. Actually, I’m counting on it, as well as my faith to be my pillars through this. I’m a warrior.