Fibromyalgia is a thief. It has stolen my energy, my fun, the person I used to be. I can’t tell you how much that sucks. My long runs lately remind me of how much the disease has stolen from me. Fibro is a thief.
Yesterday, I ran my last long run for the Lighthouse Loop Half Marathon, my next half marathon. Those last couple of miles were not easy. Mentally, I felt good, ready for anything, but physically, not so much. My body just seems to struggle more than it used to during the long runs. And today, I am having to take a rest day to recover from the run. Those 14 miles took a lot more out of me than they used to. A couple of years ago (heck, even a year ago), I used to be able to go to the gym for my cross-training on the bike the day after a half marathon. This time, my body is just too exhausted.
I came to a realization during this long run. That my marathon days were really, truly over. Sure, up till now, I had been telling people that I was “retired” from full marathons. Secretly though, I had hoped that I would be able to do another 26.2 again. But, unless some great treatment comes along, and I can feel the way I did in 2016, early 2017, that is just not going to happen.
I hate that it takes so much out of me to run a half marathon distance now. Honestly, it sucks. Unfortunately, that’s just how it may be going forward. I’m upset by it, but am not going to give up on doing something that I love doing. Running has given me so much the last 8 years, and I am a better person for it. I’ve learned how truly strong and capable I am at doing hard things.
There is no cure for Fibromyalgia, and those, like me who have it, have to learn to live with it. I’ve been blessed that my fibro isn’t as bad symptom-wise as others. I choose to acknowledge that I have the disease, but that it won’t run my life. It can feel like pacing a race, dealing with how much I can do in a given day. Do too much, and I can experience what is called a Fibro Flare. In the little over a year since my official diagnosis, I’m learning how to better manage and pace myself. It’s an ongoing learning progress, that’s for sure.